Monday, September 20, 2010

Drama from the Mama

This is one of those things I'm not even sure I should share. Really. In the last 10 months that Kooper and Kinley have been home I have grown incredibly close to other mamas of adopted teens. I treasure their prayers, their opinions, their testimony...and their availability! I can't even count the number of times I've texted or emailed the need for urgent prayer, and there is always a response! Just so ya' know, gals, I'm SO grateful!

This weekend was no exception. I HATE Saturdays! Seriously! When we are out of routine, we are khaos! And to top it off, the man of the house is usually gone on Saturday so I'm suddenly the sole referee, feeder, reader, wiper, washer, dryer... yeah, that's me, queen of khaos kontrol! Sometimes I get so overwhelmed and caught up in the moment I lose perspective, like this weekend.

A little recap ~ Kooper has come a l.o.n.g. way since October 18 when we first met! And things keep changing for him. He is generally rolling with the punches, although he likes to know what's ahead. School is going fantastic! He is in mainstream classes with modification; preparing for an assessment and working on the IEP. He loves being in school. I'm sure it's because of the work and not about the socializing! His language is developing. Shoot, he's even learning Spanish...but that's a whole other post. Once he picks up a catch phrase he uses it ad nauseum. In the early days of school he said, "What's up, man" to everybody, all the time. With him, it's all or nothin' so the mom and dad laid down the law and said, "No more 'What's up, man,' period." What did he do? He learned it in Spanish so we wouldn't know what he was saying. (He has no clue how I know everything:) Now if he does or says something inappropriate at school, he's quick to 'confess' to me when he gets home before I can bring it up - lol! He's a smart cookie and keeps me on my toes.

On the bonding side of things, he's really opened up! He shares his feelings, what's on his mind, and whether his heart is 'good' or 'sad.' We had a rather candid conversation Saturday morning that left me downright brokenhearted a little sad. I know he still doesn't understand everything he's feeling or everything we talk about, and he can be very direct (it's a cultural thang!). But I admit in my weakness his remarks left me in a funk. Then to top it off, he asked if he could call his ayi in China. He doesn't ask very often, and when he does we oblige. Once again, I said yes...but my heart was saying no!

After all, he's been with us almost as long as he was with his ayi! And when he talks with her, he seems so...happy. He seems so lighthearted. He seems like the silly kid I remember. I know their conversations aren't deep. He shares them with us, and they are very much about what interests him at this playing in the band, anticipating playing basketball, how hard his homework is, what he currently likes to eat... And after he hung up, he hugged me and said his heart feels better now.

And I realized I was jealous! Seriously! How embarrassing is that?!? And in my quest for perspective, God wrapped His arms around me. He gave me Psalm 37. He gave me vision. And he reminded me that Kooper is always talking to us about band, always talking about school, always pretending he hates the bazillion spelling words we go over every night, always talking about what he likes to eat...but we are constantly asking him to talk a little lower and a little slower.

Heavens, I don't want to squelch his bubbly spirit! In my attempt to teach him acceptable social skills, I am often missing what's really going on! He's communicating. He's expressing himself. He's reconnecting with his feelings that have been cast aside for nearly 14 years. He's finally becoming confident. He's finally learning to like himself. He's realizing that he is valuable! I am so ashamed that my fears have gotten in the way. God, in His infinite wisdom and perfect timing, granted me a huge blessing yesterday! Kooper came to me and said, "Mom, I'm sorry. I think when I talk to ayi your heart is sad. I'm sorry. I love you, Mom."

Thank you, Lord, for perspective! No more drama from the Mama!


Anita said...

Ah Connie....I soo understand your heart! And what a tender-hearted young man Kooper is to come back and apologize. WOW!! All the Lord at work in both of you! :)

Faith, Hope, and Love said...

Its sounds like Kooper loves you dearly and is very considerate of your heart. I can only imagine how difficult the adjustment is for older kids and how they must miss China at times.

Our kandles arrived in one "peace". :) As always we love your kandles and the best part is the amazing scent! Thank you!

Godspeed to your Kasidi...she is precious!

Love and blessings,

Jodi said...

Connie - how far kooper has come! I am still amazed how little jorja has taught me soo much and changed me sooo much - hopefully for the better and into what God truly wants me to be. :) I just love pics of him in the band! Love it!!! Thank you for allowing God to use you, especially in Kooper's life - and not giving up on a teenager, before you even met him! Love you sista!

Mom Of Many said...

Oh what a time of blending and bonding and honesty and are such a precious mama and Kooper is such a precious son, who obviously has such a tender heart...

I am so impressed by all the progress...and praying God's continued grace over your entire family...xo

Mandie said...

Connie, thank you for sharing your heart.

You have come so far, especially since Kooper is connected enough to know what your heart is feeling. You really are all communicating. It's hard but boy is our Lord so proud of the sacrifices you have made. You haven't chosen the easy road but the road that will allow you to grow and to change the life of a very special guy.

Adeye said...

Oh my friend, I just love you tender heart. You are SUCH a treasure. I cannot believe how well Kopper has done in your tender loving care. He has come so very far. I so remember those first few months of posting. Just look at him now. Oh my goodness! It is such a beautiful thing to watch from here.

Love you, friend.

Jean said...

What a great post Connie!

I have had a few feelings I'm not too proud of either and said a few things that were better off left unsaid...

I'm checking out Psalm 37!!

Thanks for your insight!!

Cari said...

I know how you feel when your husband's gone for the day. My is traveling for work 3 days this week and 3 next week. I was trying to help 3 kids with homework, cook {not burn} dinner and entertain the two year old. Who needs a workout coach, when you have to do all that! :)

Seriously though, I'm happy for the progress Kooper and your family are making...may it continue without setbacks. You're such a blessing in my life, Connie. Thanks for being a great source of wisdom and encouragement!

Wife of the Pres. said...

Yeah BTDT.

Our 10YO son called his China "Mama" the other day. They talked a good 30 minutes. She was truly his Mama though for many years. She has quit altogether b/c of losing him. :( So I really struggle.

Now though he doesn't want to call her again. Long story short, he told her he would call her on her b-day which was today. When we got all the stuff out for him to call, he insisted "no call, no call, no talk." I told him it was OK and he didn't have to, but it was like his heart was warring inside. He cried silent tears.

It is very hard and I get so inpatient with the constant hugging he wants. I should be grateful but I'm not super touchy-feely and it drives me banana some days.

Hugs, I get it! Leslie

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