Referral (Make it Plural)
On Friday, April 24, we were disappointed the new shared list wasn’t released. But we received a priceless treasure, an update on our son. It included eight new photos and answers to the questions we’d posed on Tuesday. Finally, three days after receiving the referral we looked at his photos – what a doll! Seriously, can you believe we’d had his file for three days and not looked at his beautiful face? But we had already made our decision and were just waiting for further affirmation that this was really going to happen. The minute we saw his face we knew he was our son. He appears ornery, silly, intelligent and all boy!
We had no idea we’d wait another nine days for our second referral. Though in hindsight it seems a short wait, it was very difficult. A bit of our son’s ‘red thread’ was being revealed to us and it both affirmed God’s plan and concerned us.
Some call it a red thread, but looking back we see it as God’s providence! Little did we know that our son’s file had been held for over two years and had only been returned to C*AA on April 13. April 14 is the day that God instantly and unmistakably bent my heart toward older child adoption!
There are a lot of unanswered questions concerning this matter, but we realize we may never know the reason, except that if his file had been available two years … one year … or even one month earlier, we were not open to this call. However, during the two weeks we waited for a second referral so we could lock in both files our son was being heavily advocated for. I struggled so much with this because on the one hand this precious child deserved advocating – he had been waiting his whole life for a family! On the other hand, I wanted to shout from the rooftop that he is our son, but since we hadn’t locked his file I really couldn’t make that claim!
Again, I turned to the Lord in earnest prayer. We had asked a few friends to join us, and I included this statement in our prayer request: “This is where complete trust comes in. I know deep in my heart that if this precious boy is our son that a thousand emails can go out, a thousand families can view his file, even for a thousand days – and God will still bring him home. I also know that if God does not intend for him to be our son that He has already set him into another Christian family and will soon reveal the two children He has forever planned for our family, having used this precious young man to affirm His plans for us. We are truly in a season of waiting. I admit that my heart accepts that concept differently at any given point in the day. We know we have to continue to arm ourselves with Truth or we will fall prey to the lies of the enemy.”
These are some of the Truths I prayed back to my Father: Psalm 33:11 – But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations. Isaiah 14:24 – The Lord almighty has sworn, “Surely as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will stand.” Job 42:2 – “I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.” Psalm 40:5 – Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.
On April 29 I wrote this prayer in my journal: Father, I surrender my plans to you. I give them back to you. Father, I am afraid now. I admit I fear C*AA will change their mind. But your Word says your plans cannot be thwarted! I praise you!”
The Lord gave me these Truths: Hebrews 3:6 – But Christ is faithful as a son over God’s house, and we are his house, if we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast. Mark 5:36 - …Don’t be afraid; just believe. John 14:27 – Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid …
On Thursday, April 30 we learned that C*AA would be closed for a long holiday weekend and the shared list would not be released until sometime after that. So we wait, trust and pray …
Part IV still ahead …