Thursday, April 15, 2010

Dear "Anonymous"

Dear “Anonymous”~

Thank you for reading my post today and taking the time to comment, albeit anonymously. I would have responded earlier, but our family was at a softball game, “isolating” our son. While I want to believe you are only trying to help, I think there are better ways to do so, such as emailing me personally using either of the two addresses listed on my blog, or considering the facts before drawing conclusions.

I suppose that choosing to blog openly and publicly for the last three years has exposed me to such a critical comment (although you are the first). If you’ve been reading for any length of time, you already know that I have never claimed to be an expert at.anything. And unfortunately, it hasn’t taken me six months to understand where we are, but 21.75 years, for that’s how long I’ve been parenting. I confess I AM STILL learning…and frankly, I hope that never changes. Perhaps I should have consulted your expertise much earlier, but … you are Anonymous.

Anonymous, I also thank you for giving me yet another opportunity to cling to God’s daily renewed compassions, mercy and grace. I certainly have had a lot of chances to do so, especially the past six months, and just when I think I’m doing okay, I get yet another opportunity. So thank you for these moments of searching my heart and asking the Lord how He would have me respond.

Oh, Anonymous, I can’t possibly know what unfortunate circumstances you have faced, what deep hurts, criticism or loss which has led to your critical spirit. But please know this: I am praying for you, and the One Who hears my prayers knows you not as Anonymous, but by name.

Speaking of prayer, you say that, ‘just praying is not always the answer.’ I would wholeheartedly agree that there are times we need to stop praying and start doing! But the action we take should be guided by the time we’ve spent in prayer! See, I don’t have all the answers, but I know the One Who does! Oh, how He has confided His plans to me and caused me to bear the burden of ‘doing.’

Perhaps the view is clearer from the outside looking in when we are not consumed by the reality of the situation. So, Anonymous, if you would like to step out of the shadows and enlighten all of us, I invite you to do so.

I grant that you have made a few valid points, and without going back too far on my blog, you will see that these are things I agree with. Yes, my son is a 14 year old, and …well, if you have a clue what’s going on inside their precious heads, let me know. I would also agree that my son does not have the ‘language skills’ to express himself or his feelings. Oh, the issue of his feelings runs so much deeper than this, dear Anonymous. And finally, I would agree that we ALL need help ‘in getting through this.’ I have never denied that. In the last 12 months I have leaned on my Savior more than ever before. I simply could not have endured the insurmountable hurdles we’ve faced. I have even asked others to pray for us A LOT! I am so grateful we have and continue to receive the Help we need!

I do wish to address your concern, as you see it, that ‘he has no friends and is very isolated.’ I don’t know how you could possibly ‘see’ this, but so be it. If you mean isolated from the pressure of peers who don’t have his best interests at heart, isolated from drugs and alcohol, then you are absolutely correct. But my son has seven siblings, two parents, lots of extended family, a youth group, a church family and others who adore him.

Anonymous, in my nine year relationship with my Savior, I have learned that many times the Enemy rears his ugly head following God’s victories. I’m probably as thin skinned as the next gal, and a year ago I might have cowered after such criticism. But I have been armed with strength, truth, endurance, grace, mercy, joy and so much more. God’s Word tells us that if we choose to follow Him we WILL face trouble and persecution. In all honesty, I have no idea what true persecution feels like, but I have faced negativity, more so since we’ve been blessed by adoption. Unfortunately, there seems to be a pattern in these episodes. Most folks tell ‘a friend of a friend’ who will pass the negative remark on…or hide behind anonymity.

So, Anonymous, again I thank you for all the opportunities you have given me. I am praying for you, and should you ever decide to come out of hiding, I will be here.


Lori said...

VERY, VERY well said, Connie!!! I will add to "Anonymous" (a cowardly way to leave a comment, btw) that until you have walked in the shoes of parenting and adoptive teen, you have no idea what you are talking about. No way. I educated myself FAR beyond what our agency required and still stand amazed at how hard it is at times.

Connie, you are a GREAT mom!!! Don't let the enemy or an anonymous comment get you down. You are doing a super job. SUPER!

Love you!

April said...

Oh my Connie, WELL Said!!! You are a mom who puts her CHILDREN first and understands what it means to be a mom! ANNONYMOUS ~ Im praying for you as well, because I truly believe that prayer is the ONLY way!

Love you Connie and ALL your family too!

Tina Michelle said...

Seriously? It is really sad that you had to write this. You are trying the best you can, working as hard as you can. HOw can anonymous know what you are doing? Crazy people with too much time on their hands. I so enjoy reading your blog, usually have no time to post, but had to post on this one!


Adeye said...

Cowards! I get them too, friend. ALWAYS nameless.

Beautiful response to words that were NOT meant for you. They just do not fit!

Keep doing what you're are an AMAZING woman of a Might God.

Chris said...

Thank you for exposing yourself to the criticism...the rest of us are praying and learning from you.

Tammy said...

Incredibly well said!!! I am sorry you had to even read something like this but in the true Godly fashion that is you, you responded so well! Guessing this person doesn't rely on or trust in our Lord!!! In your humility you probably never might, but others could truly learn from you writing a book-I know they already do from the blog! Love, Tammy

Serving the King said...

VERY well said, you go girl!!!

Martha said...

Well put, Connie. I can honestly say that I hold your family up as a beautiful example of God's love in action. I MEAN that. Kooper is and will benefit immeasurably from that.

Jodi said...

Connie, You are such a beautiful woman of God! A Proverbs 31 woman! Rising early - going to bed late, doing all you can do for our family and praising our God through good times and bad!

I am praying for Anon too. Praying that she will find contentment in her life, and not judge others. Pray that some day she too will have a personal relationship with our Lord and Savior.

Love to ALL your family!!!

Blessed Family said...

Connie, I don't even know what was said but this is just the way for the devil to dig into you and make you self doubt. People have no idea what it is like until you have walked in their shoes. Just remember for this one person who left whatever comment they did - you have 10 times over the amount of people who think so highly of you and how much you have blessed other parents. You are doing so much for your kids and you love them to death - just remember you know what you are doing and no one else can say anything since they are not walking in your shoes. Just think of what life he could have lived if he stayed in China, you all are offering him a life of hope and family. Remember this is just a season in his life and one day you will see the fruit of your hard works. Love ya Connie!

Shonni said...

You did a great job with this! I am sorry that you had to deal with it though.
In the Lords strength we live and love!

Beach Mama said...

I've always said that "I did my best parenting before I had kids." Because all of those things I said I would do or say, I'm doing and saying. It's always good to coat your words with sugar so they are't so bitter when you have to swallow them.

Tina said...


I also enjoy following your blog and look forward to reading it each day. You blog ofren reminds me to fully trust and rely on God in everything. Keep your chin up as others have said many more people are in agreement with you than are against you. Adoption in general is hard. Adopting an older child has many difficulties many people don't understand and will never have to face. With the grace of God we overcome. Praying for your family each day.


Kathy said...

Very well said, Connie!!!
You are doing an awesome job!
Prayer is the most powerful
resource we have! Thank you for
all you share, it is so encouraging
to me.

dhm78 said...

Ah, Connie,

BIG SIGH... make sure you walk in the moccasins, Anonymous..

Thanks for your willingness to share your Mother's heart, Connie so that we all can learn and help each other.


Sooner Girl said...

Without prayer and God's guidance, who knows where I would be today. I, certainly, wouldn't have the wonderful family I have today. God is the one who lead us to adoption. God is good! A day without prayer is a day wasted. May God bless you and your beautiful family.

*Overflowing* said...

Oh are an amazing woman of God! This is beautifully written. I'm so sorry that the elusive Anonymous has visited you...makes me crazy...such a coward! What silly Anonymous doesn't know is that they are very easily found so they aren't really anonymous afterall. We love you and learn from you so keep posting your honest heart!! Hugs, stacy

Just Me said...

Wow...what a post! Very well said! So sorry that you have an "anonymous" visiting and making comments, but I don't think anyone could have responded better than you. It's very obvious that you are right where you're supposed to be. :-)

Sue Darnell said...

You go girl!!!

Doug and Terrye said...

Connie, I'm so glad to see your sisters in Christ come forward and give you such great support. We adopted 4 years ago, and we were NEVER told about the issues that come with adoption! We were simply told if we adopted a baby then she wouldn't have all the problems of an older child :( What a sad testimony for that adoption agency. Our "baby" was 15 1/2 months old when she was first placed in our arms, and we are struggling with mild attachment issues. Maybe she didn't "qualify" as a baby in our agency's mind. Anyway, we have loved her, prayed for her, sought out wise counsel of fellow Believers who have walked this same path, and trusted in our great and mercifully loving God. And through these past 4 years we have seen God work in her precious little heart. I pray that you will be girded up in His strength as you continue this journey of parenthood (a journey that I have been on for 27 years), and rejoice in the precious treasures He has placed in your life.
Terrye in FL

Sherry said...

Connie, it has been a while since I have visited your blog. So I am getting caught up. I enjoy reading about and seeing the progress you are making! You always make me smile and sometimes bring a tear to my eye! You were right on when you stated that there will be persecution for following Christ's will and your heart. You are exactly where He wants you to be. Otherwise, the road would be too easy! Where there is no persecution, that's when I worry! ;) I am praying for you, your family, and anonymous. God loves him/her too... God Bless You.

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