Older Child Adoption, Part III

Recently we've been asked if there is an adoption book we recommend regarding older children. I'm not being flippant when I say the o.n.l.y. book I can recommend at this time is the BIBLE!

If you've adopted before or are in the process of adopting, you've skimmed read the laundry list of books required by a social worker. Some of them contain valuable information, warning signs and advice, but all of them I've read are written from a secular point of view. Don't get me wrong, I've read lots of secular books, but when it comes to adoption, there is spiritual warfare going on, and the required reading doesn't cover anything that can prepare us for such a battle!

When Kayden came home at the age of 15 months, we had read all fifty two (ok, maybe ten) required books cover to cover and yet when she screamed in terror many times a night for months we totally forgot about the one chapter we'd read addressing 'night terrors.' Once diagnosed, we could deal with it, but we knew it was more than a physical battle. See, we had taken this little girl from a very dark place, we were praying over her, we were exhausted, we were clueless, we were doubtful, weak...and yet, God's grace was sufficient. His grace allowed us to endure the sleepless nights without losing our cool, to parent our four children, even in the fog.

We had no idea the battle that would be waged over our recent adoptions, and the only book that addressed the issues we faced was the BIBLE. The battle continues. There are souls involved. One person commented that older child adoption is a clear picture of the Gospel, and as I have pondered this I agree that adoption IS bringing the Gospel to life, and adoption of an older child reminds me so much of myself before Christ!

Something about that age, 13! I'm speaking generally here because I've raised two boys past 13 and 1 in the midst. A child this age can be particularly unlovely, willful, selfish, unable to determine right from wrong, inconsiderate. Yep, that's me before Christ! All those characteristics fit me to a T. And yet, for 36 years the Father pursued me, loved me unconditionally, and desired better for me. He sacrificed for me. He didn't ask me if I would accept His gift, or if I even recognized all He did for me...He just did it!

Now that He has adopted me, He still desires to grow and change me, but I must be willing. I still don't know what's best for myself and must trust His parenting. I may question the plans He has for me, but when I reflect back, I realize He has always been faithful, always present, leading me, confiding in me. But when I turn my back on Him, I lose my way. And yet He's patiently waiting for me to take His hand and ask for help.

And so it goes with an older child with a language barrier. Veering down the winding path, looking for the way...but at the end of the day he is loved by two people who want the very best for him, whether he realizes it or not!