Thursday, September 8, 2011

*UPDATE* Beyond Love ~ Redemption and Remediation Required!

*update at the bottom*

This is a really tough post to write. I struggle to keep a balance between my child's privacy, informing and encouraging prospective and adoptive parents and living out the purpose of this blog, which is to glorify God in all things. You may not share my opinion, but if you have not shared my experience, please be kind.

I remember when God broke my heart for older children waiting to be adopted. It totally caught me off guard. He showed me the plight of many left in their birth country with no family to care for them. He drew me to families who had walked this narrow path. He opened my eyes! While there are many ways to ‘defend the least of these,’ Clayton and I sensed clearly that God was asking us to open our hearts and home to an older child.

So we jumped in with both feet, armed with the Lord’s strength, the faith of a mustard seed and total dependence upon His provision.

We educated ourselves, prepared our children and soaked in peace beyond understanding, even though our son’s file was full of gaps and we were taking the road less traveled.

It was a gloriously exciting day when we met our son 22 months ago. He was scared to death, and so were we, but we soon warmed up to each other. We could tell right away that he had suffered neglect, and as much as he tried to hide it, the scars of his many losses were evident in his eyes.

We were probably naïve – no, we were naïve – in thinking if we just love our son enough, he will be whole again. We’re pretty laid back folk. We tend to take things in stride. Although we were prepared to fight for our son’s life and soul, we had no idea how big the battle would really be.

Early on we noticed immature behavior. Pretty typical for a child experiencing delays due to institutionalization. Then there was anger… Defiance and disobedience… Disrespect... Disconnect. .. Memory and language processing issues… Frustration…and anger.

Based on what little we’ve been able to understand about his past, his behaviors over the past 22 months, all the testing and treatment we’ve sought and the counseling consultations we’ve had, we believe we are dealing with an attachment disorder and other issues.

For this reason we have decided to take our son to the Boris Gindis Center for Cognitive-Developmental Assessment & Remediation in New York for a Combined Developmental, Neuropsychological and Educational Assessment

A combined developmental,
neuropsychological and psycho-
educational assessment conducted by
Dr. B. Gindis is recommended for a
child, exhibiting symptoms of certain
cognitive impairments (memory,
attention, comprehension, language
issues), behavioral problems or
emotional disturbance, the nature of
which needs to be understood to
develop a comprehensive remedial
program for this child. Our multifaceted
assessment includes developmental,
neuropsychological and psycho-
educational evaluation components; it establishes the diagnosis and provides detailed analysis of the neurological impairment in question as well as remedial programming and school-related educational recommendations for your child.

Our hope is that we will get answers regarding our son's educational/emotional/social/developmental needs so that we can implement the plan formulated by the BGCenter, allowing him to live a productive adult life of independence. Time is not on our side!

The only problem with this plan is that it’s costly. We estimate the trip to and services at BGCenter will cost approximately $6,300. Our insurance might refund some of the costs, but with our high deductable we aren’t expecting much, if anything. We know the Lord will provide the dollars we need to help our son in this way.

Since we believe this is necessary and we simply don’t have the funds, we have decided to hold some short-term fundraisers. This is a decision we’ve struggled with. We are willing to fight for our son, even if it means humbling ourselves once again, asking for prayer and support and working like the dickens to raise the money for special medical care.

The Lord is always faithful, and He never changes! We know that nothing and no one is beyond His redemption!

Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer. Psalm 4:1 (KJV)


I'm ashamed of even questioning God and His faithfulness!
Just this morning I set our BGCenter appointment for mid November and reviewed all the details of the trip. Meanwhile, Clayton and Kasidi were in town getting some things done to the van when he decided to go to lunch, turning into one place but realizing there wasn't much for Kasidi to eat there, he left and went elsewhere. He saw a family that buys corn from us, and they spotted Kasidi and started asking about the kids. He asked them to pray about our trip, and the woman said she wanted to help and would we accept a substantial amount of money toward the treatment?!? She wrote a large check and said, "It's from God!"

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are renewed every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." Lam 3:22-24


Rachel said...

I'll be praying that those years will be restored to your son (Joel 2:25)& that true beauty will be brought from those ashes. I greatly admire your desire to provide the best opportunities for healing - God will provide & redeem!

Jodi said...

praying for all of you dear friends!

CarrieT said...

Yeah, Jesus, for already sending some of the funds thru a friend! Connie, I will pray for you all and for Kooper. As you know, our "older" child adoption (4, not 13!) involves some special needs and some questions about her early years too. Who knows what is organic (she was born with it) and what is a product of her early years of moving all around, no one to bond to, etc. So we know a little of what you are talking about. As I pray for our Holly I will be reminded to pray for Kooper too. As you very well know, God is bigger than all these challenges our children face and loves them way more than we do!! He has been with them all along, even years before we met them and took them into our hearts!! Hugs to you and prayers on your behalf.

Carrie T. - mom to 4 from Korea

Chris said...

Prayers for you guys..hope you get some answers...I would love to know what you all actually think of BG Center. I read about them.

So glad the lady followed God's will with her checkbook

Cari said...

Praise God for His abundant provision!

Karin said...

Wow....that is so awesome that someone helped with a huge check toward covering his treatment!! Go God!! I hope and pray you will get some answers and a plan that will help Kooper and you guys. Hugs!!

chavafor4 said...

Praying for all of you.

LJ said...

OK, you've managed to make me cry once again. :-) How wonderful that you've been blessed by such a wonderful donation! Will be praying for your family.

Lillie's Mom said...

Have read and lurked here for a while now and cannot tell you the encouragement this post is to me. I am always on the hunt for blogs about these kids who come home at much older ages and the families who love them. Our family's story always seems so very different than most which leaves us feeling very "other" in the China adoption community. As mom to a 13 yr old girl, home 22 months from China and still struggling mightily- I too am searching for answers about her and for her. Have definitely bookmarked your link about the BG Center and am prayerful that you'll receive some answers about and for your son there. Thank you for your willingness to be open- just to know we are not alone is such a gift!

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