Monday, January 16, 2012

Confessions of a Frazzled Mom

Just to dispel any myths of me being a SuperMom, let me set the record straight. (But don't tell my kids!)

Yesterday hit me hard. I mean, like a rock! You know how the first week of almost anything is awful? I was ready to quit school, quit my job, just quit!

I began to doubt, blame and criticize myself. I even invited friends to my pity party. Thank you, Lori, April and Diane, for giving me perspective. Thanks for reminding me who I am in the Lord. Thanks for not telling me what I want to hear, but what I need to hear.

As I'm reading through the Bible in 90 days, I often mutter, "You silly Israelites! Can't you see what the Lord has done for you? Don't you remember what He did for you just yesterday?"

So I guess I'm a 'silly Israelite'. How quickly I forget all He has done for me. In times of struggle how easily I let the enemy have his way.

In the midst of chaos, how much I want control, only to realize it is not mine to have.

So this is me....And this is mine... *some clothing may have been removed to reveal the baskets underneath*

And that's not likely to change anytime soon! So I can either complain about it or embrace it, change the things I can change and make the best of what I can't change.

I was ready to quit school and just accept the status quo. After all, at least I have a job, right? Over 22 years ago the Lord built my court reporting business, and I've been self-employed all this time. But I've been searching for something different ... more stable... more meaningful. My passion is not court reporting; it is adoption and families. And since we are a farming family and have so many young'uns, I will likely be working for a very long time, so why not work for my passion?!?

To my fellow reporters and clients, please don't write me off yet because I will continue to work until I am employed as a social worker...and that won't happen till I have a license...and that won't happen till I have a bachelor's degree...and that won't happen till I pull up my big girl panties and do this thing!

Jesus never promised that following Him would be easy. In fact, He promised quite the opposite. In this fallen world it's so hard to accept and apply that truth. My faith challenges me daily as I'm in the classroom. Yes, even in a small university in the Bible belt, there is a temptation to check my faith at the door. I'm determined not to allow that. I will have to set aside my personal feelings as a social worker to meet the needs of others....but I will never have to compromise the faith which defines me or the God who created me... for His purposes *how easy it is to forget why I'm here*.

So, if you're feeling battered by the brokenness of this world, beaten down by the enemy, please remember the Source of all good things! He is the Victor!!!!!

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.

He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2

2 comments:

From This Moment said...

Thank you so much for posting this and for being so honest because I am feeling and have been feeling this way for weeks now...I have been waking up every morning and hitting my knees to the floor, praising God for the day ahead and for strength to get through the madness in front of me!
Thank you, friend!

Shonni said...

Yes, thank you for sharing this! Praying for you

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