Thursday, May 10, 2012

Somethin's Gotta Give!

Disclaimer ~ this is not a post about super-accomplishments. If you feel like you're always behind and your days look like this:

...maybe it's a post for you. I've had to step back and take a look at my life. There are changes ahead. We ask the Lord daily to show us His plans. Even though our plans may seem good, if they are not in line with His, they will surely fail.

Trust me when I say, there is no cape......and even if there were, it would be crumpled in a corner somewhere, with the rest of the laundry.Yep, the only hero here might be my calendar. The calendar that is overcrowded, penciled-in, crossed-out...and crowded some more.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life! I am in awe of the plans God has for my family. I am astounded by His renewed mercies. And when He impressed upon my heart to return to school, I jumped in with both feet. And I have loved it! I've not been discouraged that most of my former 81 college hours for court reporting do not transfer for a social work degree. I've not been discouraged that I have to navigate two universities, completing my general ed while concurrently studying in my major.

And then came summer school. I didn't realize how badly I need a break. I really thought that 12 on-line hours and 3 live hours would not interfere with my life. I logged in for classes Monday, and I can't even describe the feeling.

True, this is a really busy time of year with the end of school, banquets every night, summer camps coming up, VBS...oh, and then there's our corn harvest which takes 6 to 8 solid weeks. And I feel overwhelmed by things like this:

Dirty dishes are really not a big deal in the scheme of things. But my family is! My kids miss me, they need me...and more than that, I need them! My amazingly humble and supportive husband needs me by his side. And I need to be beside him.

And I had such an 'aha' moment when I looked at my course schedule. I realized that even though we might get through the summer, we would be 'less than.' We would be weary and beaten down. We would be cranky and distant. And though I might be able to claim success in getting some hours behind me, I would fail miserably in the most important journey of my life - being the follower, wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend the Lord has called me to be.

My oldest son (who was sitting beside me listening to bedtime stories just yesterday, by the way!) is graduating from college! I will have 3 teenagers in high school this year, and in 4 years they will all have graduated. Can you say perspective?

So after the Lord let me waller around in my own mess for a while, hubby and I had a talk about our family plans. We were both relieved when we decided something had to give, and for now it's the 12 summer hours. I'm still taking a 3 credit hour social work class next week (it's a 16 week course packed into 4 days), but then I'm done for the summer!

We will spend the summer praying for direction. I really want my social work degree...because I want to be a social worker. Social workers are 'helpers.' I love to help! The question is, do I need to be paid to 'help'? Maybe so, maybe no. That's what we're praying about. Because the reality is that while I'm trying to race through school I'm missing out on many of the things I love to 'help' with!

I've missed ministry blogging deadlines; I've forgotten to email packing lists to friends preparing to travel; I've missed opportunities to help families fund raise; I've missed encouraging; I've missed blogging. And when it comes to my family, I've missed a lot. That is not what Jesus intended when He gave me abundant life.

We've still got a busy summer, but it doesn't include school (after next Thursday). And by the time August rolls around, we will know whether I'm supposed to keep the 20 hours I'm enrolled in, scale it down, or ...

Who knows, maybe Jesus will come before then!

I know this ~ Christ made me alive, and I just need to remember what I'm living for!


Marie said...

I know how hard it is to put our wants aside. But you are one wise woman! You will never regret your decision. God Bless!

Leveta said...

We are going through the same discussions and "overwhemingness" right here with me taking a 8 week Math course..Trying to make those same decisions..Praying for you as you seek the Lord's direction.

Michelle said...

We had this same conflict a few years ago- both of us working, trying to run a farm "in our spare time" and raise a family, participate in our church and community, and hubby was taking classes for his masters. Something had to give.
You're wise to take the time to consider the timing of it all-Best wishes for clarity and enjoy your summer off!

Rebekah said...

That is awesome how much you love to help! You must have a real gift in that area. And the best place to serve like that is the area we were originally created for--as a help meet. You are so right, our families need us! And what an honor to be able to help so many from the home--an incredible mission base!!!

Rebecca said...

Our family is going through the exact same thing! Great to read your post.
I'm a "helper" too! and God really showed me time and time again that it was time for me to concentrate my "helping" more on the family that He had blessed me with.

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