A New Journey

 We are embarking on a new journey.  New for us.  Many have gone before us, and we are so thankful for their experience and wisdom.

These tiny feet get so many kisses!

Several years ago when we were going through the 'checklist' of medical special needs we thought we could handle in the adoption process, we added clubfoot to the growing list.  That never came to pass, until our newest treasure, who has bilateral clubfoot (BCF) and hip dysplasia, probably related to spina bifida (SB).

As a bit of background, on August 24, our little man underwent a lumbar spinal detether and debulking.  He has a lipoma that extended into his spinal column.  Our neurosurgeon didn't know exactly what he'd find in terms of the nerves, until he went in.  If the nerves were entangled in the lipoma, the outcome wouldn't be as good, and there would be more risk of damage.  

Fortunately, the nerves ran through the lipoma and the nerve endings came through the bottom of it, so Dr. M was able to remove the bulk of the lipoma that was against the spine and secure the integrity of the nerves!

Post-op recovery went better than expected, except 24 hours after discharge we were readmitted for infection.  The complications resulted in five weeks in and out of the hospital to treat the infection with IV antibiotics and finally a reaction to the antibiotics.

We are home now, and little man is doing amazing!  He's slowly regaining the strength he had prior to surgery, and he may have increased sensation in his legs and feet as a result of releasing the spinal cord!

But that's not the 'new' part.  We've been through that with another of our treasures.

Isn't she darling!

The new journey will begin this Friday.  Phase I in treatment of BCF for our treasure is serial casting.

Our orthopedic surgeon saw him while he was still in the hospital and would have begun casting then, but he still had the rash, so that wasn't an option.  We're experienced serial-casting parents :), but not with casts that go mid to upper thigh.

I decided to blog the series of castings to chronicle the treatment and outcome just in case my memory fails me.  

As I said, we are so grateful for other parents who have gone before us!  They have offered so much encouragement and wisdom as we begin this six-week journey right into December!

Life is chaotic and messy here, but it is life, and it is good, and I wouldn't change it for anything.  I don't take anything for granted.  I trust the Father, who has given life and given purpose.

We aren't scared, and we don't feel tied down.  We are incredibly blessed to have so much sweetness in our lives.

Whatever is heavy on your heart today, I'd like to encourage you that worrying won't change anything for the better.  Seek the best resources, build relationships, love well, and trust the Father.  Nothing escapes Him.  Not.one.thing.  And remember, that no matter how busy you are, it is well worth your time to stop and smell the roses.

TO GOD BE ALL GLORY!

Don't Worry

The adoption process has many phases.  Right now we are in the waiting phase.  Three documents are being authenticated and will soon be sent to China (DTC - Dossier to China) to meet up with our original dossier from Kohlby's adoption process.  

It's called 're-using your dossier.'  This is the first time we've re-used a dossier.  Once we are DTC we wait for LID (log-in date), which marks the beginning of the wait for LOA (Letter of Acceptance) from China asking if we formally accept the referral of a particular child, our son.  (Ummmmm, let me think. YES!)

The wait for LOA is the perfect time to complete applications for adoption assistance grants.  My goal is to complete one application per week, which wouldn't be a big deal...if we didn't have a wedding in two weeks, or Christmas in three weeks, or weren't launching a new health practice, or holding a bake sale, or you know...

In fact, we've already received word from our first grant application:  Decline.

I would be kidding if I said my heart didn't sink a bit with the news.  After all, adoption is ridiculously costly.  Is there anything worthwhile that isn't though?

And so we carry on.  But not dragging our feet in sadness or bitterness.  With hope!  Because this grant wasn't a deal-breaker where adoption is concerned.  Neither is the next one.  Or the one after that.

Only the Lord knows exactly how and when this adoption will be funded.  We are literally holding one fundraiser after another, and even if every single one of them failed, we would not worry.

The God who created every.single.thing loves a little boy lying in a crib in China.  And He loves the family racing to bring him home.  He has made a way to redeem a life of brokenness, sorrow and loss.

Isaiah 40:28 says...

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.

We can't possibly know all He has planned, but we know He is faithful and true.  All we have is His, and we are merely stewards.  The Lord can be trusted with what belongs to Him...

...and if we believe that, then there is simply no room for worry.

To Him be all glory!

A Call to Action

Can I ask a favor?

Would you pray for us?

I came across this quote from John Piper today, and it hits home ~

Until you know that life is war, you cannot know what prayer is for.

-John Piper

We've experienced a lot of battles in the war of this life.  We don't usually ask why; we just fix our eyes on Jesus all the more.

We knew that this adoption journey would require faith like never before.  We knew it would be necessary to trust the Father for the funds to get our little guy home.  We want him home quickly, obviously to smother him with love, but also to address his medical needs.  And praise the Lord, the process is moving along quickly.

We have worked tirelessly to raise funds, and we'll continue to do so.  To date we've had 8 fundraisers since starting the process in July, and we are so thankful for all who have participated in them, from entering drawings, to purchasing t-shirts and baked goods!

And in our flesh, we fall short.  Every.single.time.  We understand that one of the main reasons folks don't adopt is the cost.  After all, who has $40,000 laying around?!?  We certainly don't.  And yet, the Lord has provided the funds for all of our children to come home.  He has used some pretty creative means to provide, through His people.  And as we get one step closer to our son, I tremble at the notion that we still need to raise another $34,000.  It seems impossible from our perspective.  But we are so feeble and so limited, unlike our mighty Father, for whom nothing is impossible!

And so it occurred to me, why not rally the troops to pray?  Would you commit to pray?  For our family.  And for others who are responding in obedience to the Word of God, even though it is not easy.  We are not promised comfort or ease, but there is a promise we can count on: He will never leave you nor forsake you.

Our family has grown over the last ten years...

...and as long as we have breath, we will serve the Lord at all cost.

Prayer doesn't change things; it changes us.  We want our desires to align with the Fathers; we want to testify to His goodness, no matter the circumstances; and we want to praise His character and sovereignty.

We treasure your prayers, and we'd also like to pray for you, if you would leave a comment with your request.

"Prayer is not so much an act as it is an attitude -- an attitude of dependency, dependency upon God."

- Arthur Pink

Back to the Beginning

The things that swirl around in my head.  Some make it here, but these days most never do.  There just isn't time.  Or they just don't seem that important.  Or maybe I lose clarity between thoughts and words.  But this one thing is real.  It's been a struggle.  Maybe you're with me.  Maybe you're not.  Maybe you know someone who is.

As my friends, far and near, post awesome pictures of fun activities, vacations, and even their daily happenings, it causes me to view my world differently.  It's not that I'm mad or sad or jealous (well, maybe that creeps in a little sometimes - ha), but it skews my view.

It reminds me of how different my life is now.  How different it is from what I'd planned as a young adult.  Before I knew the truth.

While others are deciding which movie to watch, where they will go out to eat, whether they will drive or fly to their vacay destination, my decisions look a little different.

Do we really need groceries today?
Is it worth leaving home at 5 a.m. to buy groceries alone?
Will I wash darks or whites?
Will it be a two or ten-load day?
Will I have time to get that clean laundry off the table?
Do I bother putting pants on the toddler?
How much can I get done before they all wake up?
Where's my weekly menu?
Did I make a menu?
Frozen chicken strips or fish sticks?
Does the sprinkler or pool constitute a bath?
Can the return phone calls wait till nap time?
Do I hide the tape here or there? (yeah, you know it!)
What's the best educational screen time option?

And when I compare these seemingly less-than-earth-shattering decisions to others, it does something to me.  Something I don't like.  It makes me feel less than.  Under-qualified.  Isolated.  Different.  

After all, the majority of moms my age are free to meet for lunch, have meaningful conversation, read a good book (oh, I do miss that!), have a flower garden, or plan a day trip.  They certainly aren't making bottles, cutting up food, wiping bottoms, packing a diaper bag, trying to squeeze in a play date or warning their big kids' friends about the crowd that is their family.

This was such a struggle for me...until I realized I was seeing it all wrong.  It's not right for me to compare.  This is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing right now.  It's even what I've wanted to do ever since my eyes were opened to the truth.

I've never considered myself the mom that is all that, nor did I need to be.  There was that one time when I had three kids and took them to that fast food joint with the play area and the giant clown, and the two-year-old slipped on the wet floor, running his teeth through his lip, while the one-year-old sat in the high chair and the nine-year-old tried to enjoy his meal.  It took two of us to gather them up and get to the ER.  It's not like I'm qualified to parent a dozen kids!  I could write a book on my parenting failures...but that wouldn't be the right thing to do.

Because 14 years ago I was changed.  In 2001 the King of Kings captured my heart and brought me to repentance, forever changing my heart, continually drawing me to Himself and giving me the Power to see the world differently... and to seek different things.

In 2003, when I was still weaning off of spiritual milk,  my eyes were opened to a horrible truth I couldn't ignore or wish away.  The truth that, although I thought my family was complete and although I wasn't in the running for Mother of the Year, there are children all over the world who have nothing. They lack everything.  Family.  Food.  Shelter.  Clean water. Clothing.  HOPE. 

And since I had fully surrendered my heart and my life, giving up my right to all that is solely for myself (which is a daily battle), I knew that armed with the knowledge that there are children who need a family, I could not sit idly by, simply wishing them well.

If you say, "See, we did not know this," does He not consider it who weighs the hearts? And does He not know it who keeps your soul? And will He not render to man according to his work?

Proverbs 24:12

See, I can't know the right thing to do and choose to NOT do the right thing.  My eyes were opened, my heart was fresh, and my hands were ready.  I asked for this.  I said yes to this.  This.is.what.I.signed.up.for.  This doesn't make me a better mom or a more holy follower.  It makes me full.  And content.  And joyful.  And different. 

See, I get it now.  When the Lord plucks us out of the miry pit, He doesn't intend for us to keep going back to wallow in it!  He doesn't intend for us to live it in drudgery, and He doesn't intend for each of our journeys to look the same.  In fact, they should look different!  Not only different from before our eyes were opened, but different from one another.

Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ.

1 Cor 12:12

We are thriving in joy in different ways, but all for one Kingdom.  

The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.

Prov 16:9

So my life looks different from other moms my age.  Maybe yours does too?  I would come to grips with it one moment and love it, and the next I would find myself clawing my way back to the pit.  Living in the pit is not fair to my family, this big, beautiful family the Lord has entrusted to me.  My mood was somber, my tone was harsh, my words weren't always life-giving.  I can't pinpoint the moment that my self-seeking, pitiful first-world-tainted vision became clear, but when it did, it changed everything!

The Lord broke my heart and gave me a dream bigger than myself.  He has been faithful to keep His promises, but what am I doing with them?  He has blessed me with three children from a once feared barren womb and has plucked nine from impoverished circumstances, entrusting each to my care.  He has entrusted me to love, nurture, discipline and shape them.  Without Him it is an impossible task, but with Him it is a privilege.  It is not okay for me to simply give them better than they had; it is right for me to give them the best that I have.

I had to look far beyond myself to realize it.  I had to go back to the beginning, 14 years ago, to understand where I am today.  

Maybe you're with me, struggling to find the joy in the daily-ness that is your life.  Or maybe your struggle is that you know your life should look different, but.it.just.doesn't.  I'm not talking about adoption; I'm talking about surrender.

I'm not pointing fingers at you for taking a vacation or shopping for fun.  I may even live vicariously through you!  I will stop comparing our lives.  I will continue to search my own heart to discover whether I've given my all and I'm basking in the joy of a life that looks different.  

Word for 2014 ~ GROWTH

One thing's for certain: we don't have time to get bored!

 In 2014 we experienced growth like never before, both physically and spiritually.

 In 2013 I was blessed to participate in a study of the Book of Hebrews...which would last through the end of 2014.  God so timely brought this study to me, as 2014 was filled with unexpected twists and turns for our family, but we were reminded that He never loses sight of us, is sovereign over ALL, and will give us the strength to run the race with perseverance.  We praise Him for that!

We celebrated many birthdays ~ 13, to be exact ~ starting with Daddy's in January.

In February we had snow, beautiful snow!

 And we celebrated Chinese New year!

(Kennah, Khloie, Kooper, Kasidi, Kayden, Kaeleb, Kinley, Kambry)

 There was prom - which I missed because we had a surgery.

We have so many reasons to celebrate...

We said "Yes" to bringing another treasure home!  Hello, Kohlby Zane!

 In May we celebrated Kolton's high school graduation!  He has completed his first semester of college and starts the second semester next week.  We are so proud of you, son! 

Daddy tried teaching the littles to pull their weight in the farming operation ;-) 

Praise be to God, we had our best sweet corn harvest yet!

 But before that, in June we celebrated...

 Kuyler and Caitlin's wedding!  We are so blessed to have such a darling sister and daughter in our family!

 Kolton and Allie got engaged, and in May 2015 we will add another beautiful daughter and sister to our family!

As a graduation and wedding gift, we took the family on a much-needed retreat with our amazing friends, the Smith family!

And four days later, Kasidi Joy had major surgery, which of course, she took like a rock star!

We had homecoming.

Celebratory steps in the adoption process!  Two months from now we will likely have Kohlby home!

 We've enjoyed LOTS of food!  This mama spends much time in the kitchen...and the laundry room.

 We spent time with cousins on their beautiful new place!

Kolton went on missions to Costa Rica!

One of the unexpected twists this year was when our precious friend (and like a daughter to me), Kaylee was in an accident that left her clinging to life.  The Lord drew us nearer to Himself, to one another and challenged our faith.  Kaylee's parents were an example of prayerfulness and faith.  Praise God, Kaylee has made a full recovery!

And who knew that our family would be challenged as well.  Clayton was in a serious accident that landed us in the hospital 15 days.  He is still at home recovering, but we believe he will make a full recovery as well and will be walking independently when we travel for Kohlby.  This event has left us completely dependent upon the Lord, who is always faithful, has grown our faith and changed our perspective.  Trust me when I say that God is good, all the time!

We have spent much time hunkering down as a family!

We've watched Kenzie play a ton of softball, summer, fall and spring!  She is a senior, after all!

 We are now watching a ton of basketball as well!  Trying to enjoy every second before she graduates!

Celebrating Adoption, the gift of salvation, and God's provision in bringing my friend, Stefanie's, Clementine Joy Home!

14 stockings is such a beautiful sight to me!  I love each and every treasure represented here!

S'long 2014!

As for 2015, I want read (the Bible) diligently, pray fervently, love with abandon and live fearlessly.

In the words of Jonathan Edwards, 

"Resolved, to endeavor to my utmost to deny whatever is not most agreeable to a good, and universally sweet and benevolent, quiet, peaceable, contented, easy, compassionate, generous, humble, meek, modest, submissive, obliging, diligent and industrious, charitable, even, patient, moderate, forgiving, sincere temper; and to do at all times what such a temper would lead me to. Examine strictly every week, whether I have done so.

and

Resolved, to live with all my might, while I do live.

and

Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life."

Thankful!

Not one thing on my to-do list included what we've actually been doing the past 15 days.

We were caught off guard.

But we've been sustained by the One who is never taken by surprise.

Two weeks ago I received one of the most frightening phone calls of my life, from this guy...

 This is the way he usually is.  Silly.  Tender.  Compassionate.  Passionate about his Lord.

 Ferociously protective of his family.

 His crazy family.

Serious about his corn.

But circumstances we couldn't  have anticipated changed everything.  Clayton was in an accident that landed him in the hospital 15 days.  He's got a long road to recovery, but he will recover, and Lord willing, in time to travel to China for Kohlby and to plant corn next spring!  I can't begin to tell you all the blessings that have come from this unexpected change of plans.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.  

Isaiah 55:9

We are so thankful for:
~The Lord's promise to never leave nor forsake us
~The power of prayer
~Our big kids
~Our church family, the body of believers, employers, neighbors, teachers and our entire community
~Prompt response of and great care from EMTs
~Hospital personnel: CNAs, nurses, physicians, surgeons, respiratory, physical and occupational therapists
~Technology
~Medical equipment
~Unfailing love from the Father!

When I got the phone call, I literally ran out the door, leaving everything behind, because Allie just happened to be with the kids, so I could do that. 

 Every single day for the past two weeks I've been able to stay in the hospital with my husband because people have rallied around our family caring for Khloie all day and the rest of the littles after school, bringing hot meals to the house every.single.day, stocking our freezer with food, cleaning our house, doing load after load of laundry, and so many things we probably aren't even aware of yet.

Kuyler and Caitlin cleared their schedule and came home the first weekend to help.  Kolton's been taking care of things on the farm.  Kenzie has been transporting kids and taking care of all the evening, nighttime and morning tasks with them.

We will get the word this afternoon, Lord willing, that we get to go home tomorrow!  One thing's for sure: doing laundry, homework and meals will be much more enjoyable to me now.  Nothing like a good dose of perspective ;-)  

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Philippians 4:6

Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 19:21