tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post292769545794286656..comments2023-10-25T08:22:27.803-05:00Comments on One More Ladybug: Heartbeat ~ Heartache?Connie Jhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03105757409356865785noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-49473836874169275742012-12-21T09:11:05.773-06:002012-12-21T09:11:05.773-06:00In fostering an older child for the past year, I c...In fostering an older child for the past year, I can relate to so much of what you said. It was like you could peak into my home & see the reality of it all. Thank you for that! Thank's for the truth in which you shared! We have fostered for 9 years, yet never an older child. It is rewarding, yet a totally different story than having a little one. Best part is literally seeing the change, little by little, one day at a time in a way you don't see with an infant. Bless you & your beautiful heart for adoption! ~ jenJenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14358082469481452041noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-16659661060734734152012-03-17T20:19:27.501-05:002012-03-17T20:19:27.501-05:00Hello Connie, I was reading someone else's blo...Hello Connie, I was reading someone else's blog and it was suggested to go to your blog on this date. I loved the way you shared the perspective of older child adoption. Currently, I am doing research on adoption support resources for parents post-adoption. My reason for this is because I do not know if they exist. They did not exist when we adopted our daughter. I looked and really found nothing. We are doing well, praise the Lord. I feel bad that others do not have the professional support that should exist post-adoption. It is wonderful that as parents, we have eachother for support. Not sure what I would have done without that.<br />Thank you for putting into writing what many of us feel.Wendyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07720217376639469749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-82223937774777801462012-02-10T20:08:46.615-06:002012-02-10T20:08:46.615-06:00Our youngest son joined us at almost 7 years of ag...Our youngest son joined us at almost 7 years of age, so not as old as your son, but let me tell you, there were times last year that I felt like he'd taken me to h--l and back. Things are getting better but it's slow going. He still doesn't like me that much but he likes me more than he did last year. Our biggest need is for respite because we don't have a ton of financial resources to hire babysitters for regular time away. And yes, my boy is super well behaved and charming to others who think I am just being too hard on him because "he's such a sweet boy..." Yes he is. When he wants to be.<br /><br />Thanks for your openness to sharing the hard stuff.Kimberliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00682309129537807752noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-59297006100501252812012-01-18T01:19:22.477-06:002012-01-18T01:19:22.477-06:00Connie,
I love your blog...you are so passionate ...Connie, <br />I love your blog...you are so passionate and heartfelt. I'm glad that you are writing this because I believe too little people know. I was an older child when I was adopted, at 17, and so I understand your sons struggles but I also understand yours! Keep writing your heart and allowing ohers to learn about all sides of adoption! <br />Keep smiling!.:♥:. tyraelynn .:♥:.https://www.blogger.com/profile/01188700767228691208noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-23022644102914220872012-01-10T20:59:27.431-06:002012-01-10T20:59:27.431-06:00Connie ~ WOW! This is SO well written and very po...Connie ~ WOW! This is SO well written and very powerful. Have you ever considered writing a book. God could really speak through you to reach others ...just like He is here on your blog!<br /><br />I know I have not walked a mile in your shoes, as I have no experience with older child adoption. BUT, I cannot say enough about connecting with those who have "been there, done that" and have gone before you. Especially fellow Christians, who hopefully have been led by God themselves, and will share your perspective on a Biblical level as well. There were no adoption classes or books that prepared me more than reading blogs of those who have gone before me. My connections to fellow adoptive mamas in Bloggyville have been nothing short of a gift and blessing to me, and I will treasure the friendships and valuable advise, information, and "real life" I have gained through others experiences. <br /><br />Keep on writing and pressing on and keeping it real. I appreciate you and your candid words more than you know... and even more that your focus continues to be on God and His redemptive plan. You are a GREAT example to us all!<br /><br />love you, friend!<br /><br />oxo,<br />TanyaTanyaLeahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06273839306382041488noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-76620761216180356362012-01-10T07:13:36.518-06:002012-01-10T07:13:36.518-06:00Thank you for sharing. I have a heart to adopt old...Thank you for sharing. I have a heart to adopt older kids someday and it's helpful to hear the truth. I've been blessed to live at home while my parents have been adoptiong my four little siblings from China, for it's allowed me to see the reality of adoption. (No one likes to talk about what goes on behind closed doors) But when you hear the truth you can be better prepared. Because if the Lord says do it, you better do it! And despite all the challenges and struggles I've lived through, I still can't imagine not adopting kids myself someday. (-: It's worth it, if only to hear a once lifeless two year old say "Jesus nice." (-:Shawsheehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13922681190428995140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-11715779334680745302012-01-07T22:56:14.909-06:002012-01-07T22:56:14.909-06:00Mom,
Thank you for being open and honest. I love y...Mom,<br />Thank you for being open and honest. I love you and respect your initiative in response to God's initiative in your life. I see by your fruit that God is using you. You are so right that we should ask questions and turn to others who have been there. However, I would encourage families who read this blog, as my mother has stated before, to TURN. TO. GOD. The responsibility to which you have been assigned is not a light one. I love my mother because she loves Christ. I know that she DOES NOT take lightly the responsibility of raising children. The only one who has the power, the love, the will, the time, the grace to save families and guide them in righteousness is GOD. And when I say "God", I don't mean the distant, unpersonal, merely observing God. I'm talking about the One who wrote the Book on Love. The example of all fathers. The helper of the godly man. The teacher for dads. The only one who knows how to change hearts. Because, just as the verse which my mom posted clearly states, it is not a battle of mere flesh. It is a battle of the spirit and one of massive proportions. Don't buy the lie that if everyone in your family is happy, then it's okay. You couldn't be more wrong. God disciplines His children. Why? Because He loves them. As fathers discipline their children under the guidance of the Father, children will be offended and scared and confused. The only worthy goal that a father and husband can take on is to speak truth into his children's lives. Doctors, meds, psychs, other families don't save lost and broken children. God saves them. He has prepared the good works for us to walk in. Therefore, WALK IN THEM. TRUST THE LORD. He wrote the Book. He knows what it means. He knows how that child's life lines up with the truth. I firmly believe that God has used my mother and father to pull me to Himself. THAT is the job of the father and mother. To walk in the good works that God has prepared and make much of what He has given. Christ paid for you. Christ paid for your children. Does Christ not deserve the reward of His suffering. GIVE YOUR CHILDREN TO THE LORD!!!<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Kuyler JohnsonAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-19181168070252704532012-01-06T11:10:07.895-06:002012-01-06T11:10:07.895-06:00Like everyone said, thank you for writing this. I...Like everyone said, thank you for writing this. I wish I had read it before our adoption. Our daughter turned 5 the day we landed in America. Her age has been her greatest special need. <br /><br />I love your blog and your heart for the orphan. Hang in there with the teen treasure! Love and blessings.Adriennehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01737338699196199113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-43913393695886669692012-01-06T07:37:08.392-06:002012-01-06T07:37:08.392-06:00Thanks for sharing your heart. Though our son is ...Thanks for sharing your heart. Though our son is only 10 (not quite a teen), it's been less than a year since we brought him home and it's just not pretty right now. I empathize. And I pray daily that I don't lose heart. <br />Older adoption is rough and ugly and scary sometimes, but when redepemtion does happen, I think the transformation is even more glorious!Shine Like Starshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10459451229509639397noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-74687881521270469202012-01-05T23:03:26.207-06:002012-01-05T23:03:26.207-06:00and i would be one of those "well meaning&quo...and i would be one of those "well meaning" people. i never intended to make you feel SLAMMED or SLAPPED! when all a child does it talk about how wonderful his family is and constantly compares his family to yours and is obvious that his family is far surperior, how could one not get the impression that i got. i thought when i shared all the wonderful things he was saying about you all that maybe he had had some kind of break through or maybe he had not for some reason been able before to expressed his love to you. i thought i was being positive when sharing, i saw it as a good thing...something that would make you happy. i never would have shared it if i had any idea it made you feel slammed and slapped in the face. again, i apologize that i made you feel this way.<br /><br />kimKimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10206781140391499889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-78539219482239167422012-01-05T22:05:05.728-06:002012-01-05T22:05:05.728-06:00Such a great job writing this post! It's so t...Such a great job writing this post! It's so true, real, and you still ma naged to give hope.Karinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04032945144862346604noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-51306265597656125582012-01-05T20:40:19.684-06:002012-01-05T20:40:19.684-06:00Thanks Connie,we prepared and I'm glad we read...Thanks Connie,we prepared and I'm glad we read as much as we did. BUT the stuff you prepare for is usually not what hits you. <br />God's Academy is a tough one, and trusting and leaning on him is a daily work.Chrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16103378389155773502noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-19519706608640172122012-01-05T18:27:33.725-06:002012-01-05T18:27:33.725-06:00Connie- this is so good! THANK YOU!
It is so hone...Connie- this is so good! THANK YOU!<br /><br />It is so honest and you have beautifully written it!<br /><br />Older child adoption is just a different sort of beast. Wonderfully rewarding and overwhelmingly challenging at times.<br /><br />I have my own "feelings" about it too. We have adopted a child with a disability that has been very very very challenging to me- not my choice BUT it was God's choice. We pray our way through the days.<br /><br />I also have to say that the category of older child adoptions needs to be better defined... We have adopted up to 9 years old- that is NOT the same thing as a 12 yr old. 12 is puberty and looking for independence. 9 is prepuberty and still looking for parental approval. I have found it challenging BUT I know it is not the same as adopting an early teen.<br /><br />Thank you for writing this!Jeanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00219821176198096628noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-68196189837574335102012-01-05T15:06:29.248-06:002012-01-05T15:06:29.248-06:00Thanks for sharing! I think the greatest gift tha...Thanks for sharing! I think the greatest gift that adoptive parents can give eachother is support. Not just in the fairy tales but when things get tough as well!Mis-Wenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03636084743763850116noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-13450915211630543672012-01-05T13:53:51.213-06:002012-01-05T13:53:51.213-06:00Such a well articulated post. We have only been h...Such a well articulated post. We have only been home 2 weeks, but I see a 3 year old so severely effected by his institutionalism that it has thrown us for a loop. Everyone told me how easily that children from his orphanage bonded, they forgot to mention the lack of any social skills. Add additional unmentioned physical disabilities and anger and our fairytale has all but dried up. We were fortunate that our daughter adopted at the same time is a joy, she entered our family and has naturally fit. The two faces of adoption one so easy to ignore until it enters your home.Yvettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02537572063174399378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-31214788925451442152012-01-05T13:13:47.543-06:002012-01-05T13:13:47.543-06:00Yep, you nailed it! :-)
Older child adoption is v...Yep, you nailed it! :-)<br /><br />Older child adoption is very, very different from infant or toddler adoption (which are hard enough). Even this morning, I caught myself thinking miserably, "Why on earth did we do this?" But we did it for heaven, not for earth.thesleepyknitterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16656285733945917516noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-24362983407291100532012-01-05T12:05:47.934-06:002012-01-05T12:05:47.934-06:00sooo wonderfully written!! This is what I have be...sooo wonderfully written!! This is what I have been trying to tell my agency!!!!! I'm linking from my blog to, k? :) Love you and thank you for sharing honestly!Jodihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06737851959223104150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-5067988931454526412012-01-05T11:53:57.280-06:002012-01-05T11:53:57.280-06:00Well said!!!Well said!!!Shonnihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16652243862329017082noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-39837626449132206752012-01-05T10:00:57.746-06:002012-01-05T10:00:57.746-06:00Connie that was beautifully and honestly written. ...Connie that was beautifully and honestly written. There are not enough posts on this subject to help truly educate families considering older child adoption. I think you wrote it from a great perspective of sharing the "real" with the "hope". I'm sure you won't mind me linking this post from my blog and fb because I think this is so important.Carihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14559175677390596901noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-24018883045634389822012-01-05T09:46:30.271-06:002012-01-05T09:46:30.271-06:00Oh friend, you know my heart...and that I agree co...Oh friend, you know my heart...and that I agree completely with you. <br /><br />What a beautiful post about a very tough matter.<br /><br />Thanks for your willingness to be so open and real publicly.<br /><br />Love you!Lori at JOY Unspeakablehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17777728713317034491noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-20704181154660033142012-01-05T09:34:27.091-06:002012-01-05T09:34:27.091-06:00Very wonderfully put! Even if you adopt a child at...Very wonderfully put! Even if you adopt a child at 3 or 7 you can be put in this same situation. I say read the Parenting the hurt child by keck and kupecky!What a blessing this book is for me. I had no troubles until the honeymoon was over than wham did I get it! Most Mothers get most of the negative behaviors from the child and can act golden in front of everyone even Daddy who thinks you might be going crazy until you take a few days for yourself and he sees the ugly truth. One more big thing-You two parents stick together! Pray together and be careful who you talk to-most people will not understand-even family! Touch therapy Holding therapy crazy but it works! Thank heavens for Lotion!!!!! I want to say we didnt have many troubles but I am glad for my education before I adopted so when I saw a few things poop their ugly heads up we could get on track with some therapy! God bless you all in your adoption journeys! I would go back again even knowing what I know now!Carriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10611309167010819390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-8266320535797295532012-01-05T09:20:34.817-06:002012-01-05T09:20:34.817-06:00Connie,
I also thank you for your honesty and also...Connie,<br />I also thank you for your honesty and also for the comments the others have shared. While we are not considering adopting a teen, we have thought about an older child and are seriously praying about all these things you have shared. I am so thankful for parents like you who share the ugly and hard side to adopting and not just the fairytale. <br /><br />Have you ever read Nikki's blog? bringinghomezeke.blogspot.com<br />She lives not far from me but I have not met her yet. Her posts are very real about teen adoption and the struggles she had with one of her sons who has RAD. <br /><br />I will be praying for you Connie!! You are such a blessing to us and a beautiful example.<br /><br />NaomiNaomihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12114223431580415336noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-74068973140870141532012-01-05T09:11:29.581-06:002012-01-05T09:11:29.581-06:00What a wonderful, truthful post! My experience is...What a wonderful, truthful post! My experience is more like "carriet". Substitute 20 month old for "teen" and you wrote this post for me. Thank you for the encouragement and hope! Blessings!Jerushahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00783329946309070801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-5496927881155280192012-01-05T00:08:27.039-06:002012-01-05T00:08:27.039-06:00Thanks for sharing your heart. We are in the mids...Thanks for sharing your heart. We are in the midst of praying for direction when it comes to a particular child. We know we are called to adopt again, but we are not sure if this the child we are called to adopt. Well I am fairly certain, but my dh is still seeking the Lord. Anyway, she is going on 7, non-verbal, listed as MR. But there is something about her that draws me to her. My heart is terrified to bring her home, but yet I am even more terrified of disobeying the Lord. I feel the Lord is whispering to my heart that we are going to be surprised when we get her. That what is written is not necessarily what is going on. Everytime I turn around I see messages like this one reminding that the Lord is faithful even in the difficult times, even when things seem impossible or wrong in the world's eyes.Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10911946532553501602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7380988010128963744.post-58220389703561787412012-01-04T23:52:16.086-06:002012-01-04T23:52:16.086-06:00Amen Connie....everything you said is right on the...Amen Connie....everything you said is right on the mark as far as I am concerned. We have adopted three out of our four who were older.<br /><br />Lowering our expectations was one key factor....even though their age on paper said one thing...they were NOT truly that age emotionally, acedemically etc. <br /><br />We also do NOT take personally any of their bad behaviour any more than we do our bio children when they misbehave. If you take things personally or as mama's sometimes do...we take it to heart we set ourselves up for major pain.<br /><br />We deal with the situation accordingly and move on....cause it's really not about me...but them. And because I have never walked in their shoes...I have no idea the trauma they have endured, therefore I MUST show compassion always...but still deal with each issue.<br /><br />So your post was awesome...wonderful. Thank you for sharing it here.<br /><br />Blessings,<br />ConnieIntentional Living Homesteadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13865476434729958056noreply@blogger.com